To Infinity and Beyond

Todays post is advice about boys. Boys are absolutely stupid. Some are less stupid than others. When you think about it, boys are just as tricky as girls. They give mixed signals and they can be shady.

I’ve practically been single my whole life. I’ve only had a few relationships. But now, I wouldn’t count them as an actual relationship.

 In the ninth grade, I went out with this guy in band named Nate. I liked him at first, but after a month, I wasn’t feeling it. He had more of a feminine side than I did, which was perfectly fine. We were just better off friends. I started to like him when we were at one of our band competitions. I was sitting next to him and I kept bothering him and what not, but he never looked at me. But little old me, I was persistent as heck. So we hung out more and he asked me out before my mom came to pick me up from school a few weeks after the competition. Before I left, he kissed me. We were together for about 2 months. And in those two months, I didn’t like him as much as I used to. I wish he wasn’t my first kiss. Looking back, whenever we kissed, it was gross. Wet and sloppy. Talk about washing machine syndrome. That was definitely a turn off. Ew… One day, after school, I pulled him to side and was like ‘I think we should just be friends’. He took it fine though because we were friends after that. But whenever I talk to him on Facebook now, he annoys the heck out of me so I stop talking to him. XD A few months after that, I went with this dude named Isaiah in band. I only said yes because I would’ve felt bad if I said no. I know that’s wrong, but back then, I was a little too nice. That only lasted for a few days. On our way back to the school after a competition, I was sitting with one of my best friends, Barrie. We were talking and then he said he wanted to see if there was a spark between us. Basically he wanted me to kiss him. So I did. Keep in mind that I was still ‘going out’ with Isaiah. When I got home, I called one of my bestest friends, Brandy, and cried telling her what happened. The next day, we were walking on the track field and Isaiah was up on the bleachers. She told him I wanted to break up, and we did. I honestly don’t know why I couldn’t do it myself. Till this day, I still feel like poop about that whole situation. A few months after THAT, I went with one of my friends Tyrell (he’s is band as well), but that didn’t last long either.

My 10^th grade year and the first half of my 11^th was not the best of my life. On the first day of my 10^th grade year, I was very excited. I’d see my friends and make new ones. In my English class, I had my bestie at the time, Brittany, in there. There was a new student named Tredel there. I thought he was really cute. I of course, was too shy to talk to him. Brittany on the other hand, she made friends with him before I did. She had a crush on him as well. She introduced him to me and from then on, we became inseparable. We did everything together, we always talked to each other, and he even had a crush on me. But stupid me would always tell him ‘I’m not looking for a relationship’ every time he asked me ‘why aren’t we together’. He always called me beautiful though. Brittany was a jealous little thing though. She was jealous because he liked me and not her and he would always hang out with me. Tbh, he would always tell me how he thought she was annoying and thought she was a straight up bish. Lol he actually joined band later on. He played the snare, and very well if I do say so myself.

11^th grade year rolls around and we were closer than ever. This is when the big, dramatic stuff happens. He had gotten a girlfriend. At first, I thought nothing of it because I didn’t realize I had a huge crush on him. We still did everything together. But I would notice that every time he mentioned his girlfriend, it made me jealous or upset. But at the time, I thought that I was upset because I thought she was going to take him from me. It’s like he was mine. One day during band camp, he and I had walked down the street to food lion for lunch. Halfway there, he told me that his girlfriend was going to meet him there. I said it was fine, but on the inside, I was not even the slightest bit happy. So we got there, and after we bought our lunch, we waited outside for Hannah. When she arrived, my mood went from already bad to dirt. I was third wheeled instantly, so I left. Tredel said bye to me but I didn’t say anything. There was a group of kids from band that were also leaving to go back so I walked with them. One guy, Emmett, was like ‘where’s Tredel?’ I said with his girlfriend. He said he thought I was his girlfriend, but obviously not. When I got to the band room, Brandy instantly knew what was wrong. Everyone could plainly see there was something wrong, but I said nothing. Brandy though, she knew without me having to tell her. That’s when I realized I had a crush on Tredel. It was the worst feeling ever. But after a while I told myself I wasn’t going to let a girlfriend get in the way of us. I eventually told him I liked him and he didn’t treat me any differently, which was great. Over time, he actually showed interest in me, but he was still dating Hannah. Everyday after school, I would walk him home and we would hang out for a bit. He would always flirt with me and I would flirt back. He was a really touchy feely person.

This girl named Anjelica started to talk to him more and he started ditching me for her. Him and I always sat next to each other on the bus on our way to a competition, but then when I would ask, he’d be like ‘oh I was going to sit with Anjelica.’ That boiled my blood. I was more than mad every time he ditched me. I cried over that butthead, more than once too. When we were getting ready for our Christmas concert, that girl had the nerve to talk about me behind my back but I heard everything she was saying considering she was less than 10 feet away from me. I was doing my friend Christina’s hair. I looked at her like ‘you’re hearing this too?’ I told Tredel about it and he was on my side.

There were many times where he would ignore me for long periods of times and avoid me. It made me cry every time because I would wonder why is he ignoring me. Every time, I would text him saying what have I done, and we would make up afterwards. A week before I moved to Alabama, I told him I was moving and he decided to talk start talking to me. My last day of school, I gave him and my friends one last hug. We only kept in contact for about 2 months. But literally 2 times a month, he would answer my text or snapchat. He had the nerve to tell his GIRLFRIEND to tell me to stop “bothering” him. That was the last straw with me. I have hated him ever since.

Have you noticed a pattern? I’ve only dated guys who were in band. Even now, I still haven’t learned my lesson. There’s this guy in band that I have a crush on, but guess what? He has a GIRLFRIEND! But the thing is, he flirts with every girl he knows. He recently asked my friend to prom, but she turned him down. I would too if I knew he had a girlfriend. He has a crush on her, and I have a crush on him. He told me he used to like me a while ago. I actually told him that I have a small crush on him. Ever since, he’s been a little more flirty than usual to me. He’s held my hand briefly twice in class, and he helped me out in a very serious situation. At the end of one of our band practices, my blood sugar was extremely low and I felt weak. After practice is over, we always gather around the director (everyone hates this dude btw. He’s the reason my blood sugar was low). So when we gathered around that day, I could barely walk. It took me a while to stagger over. When Michael saw me, he asked me what was wrong. I just shook my head. He told me to come here and I sat by him. Well, more like dropped down. I put my head on my knees and paid no attention to what was going around me. When the director released us, I didn’t get up because I barely could. (Lets just call they guy I like Bill) “Bill” helped me up off the ground and asked what was wrong. I told him I could barely feel my legs. He helped me walk to the bleachers (it was kind of hard for me because he’s tall and I was walking on my tiptoes XD). He gave me the rest of his water, and got me a full bottle of water. He made sure I was ok before he left. I’m not going to lie, that’s probably one of the sweetest things someone has ever done for me<3. After that, my friends keep telling me that he is my bae. But in reality, he really isn’t. He flirts with every other girl he knows, whether it’s an ex or a friend. It irks me sometimes but I can’t do anything about it. This situation is kind of like the Tredel situation because "Bill" has a girlfriend, and sometimes, he doesn’t answer my texts or anything even when he’s not busy. Yet he reads them. The thing is, I barely text him, and I do, it’s mostly 1-6 words. It makes me think that he’s talking to other girls who are better worth his time, or talking with his girlfriend. Which is probably true. Even though he had told my friend that he wanted to break it off with his girlfriend, he still hasn’t. Which makes me think, will he ever? I just don’t want a repeat of the past.

I know I won’t be single forever, but it’d be nice to have a boyfriend. I know I don’t need one, but I’d like to have all those cute couple-y moments I see on the internet and TV. But for now, I guess I need to focus on myself and be the person I want, and not just some boy-crazy girl. But I think I’ll always be a boy-crazy girl…

Advice of the day: Don’t devote your life to boys. You may have your standards and your ideal boyfriend in your head, but they could be completely irrelevant when you like someone who’s the opposite of what you thought you liked. I like guys who wear Converse, Vans, Nikes, and shop at stores like Zumiez, Abercrombie & Fitch, and such. But the guy I have a crush on wears shirts that scream country and wear those ugly cowboy boots that I hate. But obviously it doesn’t matter now.

Don’t stress if you don’t have a boyfriend. If you have your eye on a guy, don’t do anything stupid to try and get his attention. Because it may turn out that he’s not even paying attention to you, or he doesn’t care about you. It’s pretty harsh, but that may be the case. I’m not saying it is, but it very well could be. And please don’t cry over a guy. 10 years from now, the reason you cried could be completely irrelevant to you. So Carpe that Diem and live your life.

xoxo